His Perfection

My life is not perfect……………….
Growing up my parents had so many expectations from me not only me my sisters too being that they never had a male child and both their families told them to their face that a female child can never amount to anything so they determined their case would be different which led to so many expectations from each and every one of us.

My life is not perfect, I am not perfect, growing up I tried meeting those expectations all my life I lived it to make my father proud of me but each time I tried I felt like a failure everything was based on making him happy, in my own strength and understanding I tried to be perfect the more I tried the more flaws I saw in myself. I tried so hard for so long I got frustrated, angry and disappointed in myself, I was not happy but still I drove myself hard. They say having a daughter you have to be sensitive enough at a point he stopped understanding me and at a point in my lie I gave up understanding and trying to please him too but it was all out of frustaration then I had become an angry person, I was angry at the whole world, I was angry with my father, I was angry with myself and most especially I was angry with God to me at that point He just seemed like an imaginary being, his existence was not practical in my life I became so lost I forgot who I really was and turned to someone else entirely in all this transitioning I even did not notice the person I have become and deeper I sank into the abyss of misery.

Eventually, I began to feel the love of God for me although I couldn’t grasp it but I could feel its enormosity then I began to understand what love really is that it is not based on expectations or perfection but imperfection in the light of perfection that no matter how much flaws there are He loves me, He always had even before I came by the knowledge of him and He will always love me no matter what and all he desires is for me to realize how much He does. Just like the light of a new dawn His love filled my heart and swallowed the darkness and now I see myself in the light of Him.

Just like the eagle soars high in the sky, just like it tries not to be anything else but an eagle which He created him to be, I decided to be me I do not try to be perfect anymore my life isn’t even close to perfect but for every challenge that came my way and that still comes my way I do not let it define who I am people say I am a strong person but thinking back there are so many nights I’ve cried quietly/loudly just saying ‘Lord, why?’. All that has made me who I am, a stronger person and above all a happy person, now I smile more because somewhere deep in my heart I have that assurance that everything will be just fine that I am His master piece in the making, a unique and the bestest person in my world.

I am not the richest neither am I the most intelligent in fact I might choose not to give myself a reason to be happy but looking around and seeing what He has given me I am most grateful, people that love me, encourage me, won’t allow me to give up, they are but few I am so happy to have them in my life the ones that love me with all the flaws and will also stand by me. So ive got everything to be thankful for especially my faith because in my nothingness He has made a great thing out of it and all I’ve got to do is to go ahead and be me; the purpose to which He created me, being me.